Dickshield Crusaders

Dramatis Personae:

Jenix Estre - acolyte of Resh-Eiar.

Galia - Dead One.

Brane - off-worlder scientist, teleported to the Underworld Kingdom from his home spaceship.

Father Andrews - preacher from the Old West, who delved too deep into some mysterious mine.

Atus - mercenary from the medieval world.

Avan - shield-bearer and drunkard. Meatshield.

Medoc - swordsman and drunkard. Meatshield.

Party began in the city of Aglor, deep in one of the larger caverns of the Underworld Kingdom. They gathered some intel about adventurers that came to the west and never came back, but before they came out of the city they were ambushed by rampaging green scaly demon (I believe that its name was Rhan-dom Spawn) without eyes on its head, but with one on its... cock. After rather desperate fight, Brane managed to kill the monster with his needle rifle. Demon exploded, covering the hero with blackened, bloody gore. But who cares about little mess on his face and clothes? Show must go on.

As no one had a map, party and their two newly-hired henchmen (Atus: I can't pay you right now, but you can have ten percent of all of my share) wandered (not so) deep in the depths of Underworld Wilderness. They found crumbled and overgrown remains of some kind of old road but decided to delve into some rather unremarkable forest. Needless to say, they wasted almost two days there, only to be totally ambushed by six well-equipped bandits (chatting during watch is awesome idea :D). Avan, the guy with large wooden shield with huge dick pictogram on it was slain by thrown knife at the very beginning of the assault. Galia was almost killed, struck by a leader of the brigands (they managed to save her, however). Father Andrews threw his dynamite in the middle, but it wasn't a good throw. The last casualty was Medoc, who tried to clash with one of the bandits (but with 2 HP and no armor is not a good idea), but later all of the bandits was killed and their leader escaped.

Atus buried his fallen hirelings, took Avan's "dick-shield", stripped bandits from valuable goods (5 gp and two chain mails) and hanged their corpses on the trees. As every member of the party was heavily wounded they decided to return to Aglor... only to be lost in the woods.

They managed to get out of the forest after maybe three days of wandering around (I love my direction die :D) and found again the remains of the old road. After a day of journey they found old, crumbling shrine - seemingly perfect place to camp. Too bad that no one paid attention to the human bones scattered in it...

As all members of the party fell down unconscious, struck by ice-cold claws of the Wraith, it is assumed that they are no more.