Death Moon Hallucinations

Gibberish stuff for the game I currently work on. Yup, I shifted my posting duties from here to Substack - but I do not plan on giving up on this blog.

Hallucinations by Albert

d12, d12, d12, d12!

Read on Substack

Unsettling Discoveries - the Village

 

 

Roll 1d8 and have a nice day! 

1. The village elder is a vampire. He feeds only on visitors.
2. Village's Old Well is full of corpses. The corpses are animated.
3. Something is possessing the cattle. The possessed beasts all go north.
4. All children have disappeared overnight and their parents are hiding it.
5. There is a Death Worm living under a shrine. It controls the local cleric. 
6. This year's crop failure was caused by a blasphemous ritual that took place on the fields.
7. Each second child born in the village was sacrificed in the woods. 
8. All villagers are doppelgangers. 

December Doom! Cursed Cutlery!

 

1. Turns every food it touches into goblin feces.
2. Poisons every food it touches (save or blindness for 1d6 minutes). Maybe could be used as poisoned weapon, who knows?
3. This shit is animated and hostile! 1HP, AC3, 1d2 damage, levitates.
4. Once put in mouth, it sticks to one's lips / gums / tongue with a very powerful, magical adhesive it produces. Sucks to be you.
5. Once put in mouth, it becomes searing hot (1d6 damage). 
6. Cannot be used for eating. Knives are unable to cut anything other than user'a fingers, spoons seem to be leaky, forks automatically miss every bit of food. Ladles breathe stinking, corrosive gas. Hope you don't have a ladle.
7. Once the cutlery's user starts to eat, they must save vs magic or become so ravenous that nothing can stop them from devouring anything that is even remotely edible. Bones, wood, shoes, vermin, pets, infants, halflings. Failed saving throws can be re-attempted once per hour.
8. The cutlery is possessed by an entire family of lesser demons. They are able to communicate telepathically with others. They promise amazing treasure in exchange for "stabbing someone with the cutlery right in the heart". Of course, they're full of shit. Such stabbing would just swap the souls of the victims with the demonic essences trapped in the items.

I honestly don't know how I figure this shit out. It just appears in my mind.  

December Doom! Cursed Amulets!

Aaaand for the second year in the row I managed to put out at least one post per month. I will not lie - I'm kinda proud of myself!

PS. Yes. Rusty Beads of the Itching Ecstasy sound particularly wicked.

November Nastiness! Random NPCs!

Is it November already?

Please, enjoy this little random table that may help you create some lovely NPCs for your game.

Poisonous Brochures

Do you need a new poison for your game? I've got you covered!

Just open your meds cabinet / drawer / vault / tabernacle and pick up a random brochure. Read the side effects and combine them all. Voila, your new exotic poison is now ready! 

Egua, God of Eyeballs

 

• Minor deity, worshiped in many small fisherman settlements;
• Accepts various eyeballs as offering, especially fond of those belonging to large fish and squid;
• Depicted as large, three-legged bream with 13 eyes;
• His priests are always male and must be overweight and quite hairy;
• Each Shrine of Egua has a (supposedly) magical item - an eyeball made of pure gold (powers unknown but it's said that one per year can be used to resurrect a drowned creature); 
• Egua's fervent followers, as well as his priests, never wash their bodies. Sometimes they even "enhance their odor" by smearing their flesh with fish.

Powers granted by Egua to his followers and priests:

• Ability to see in murky and/or dark water;
• Summon the Infernal Carp 3rd level clerical spell (figure it out by yourself);
• Water breathing;
• Ability to speak to fish (not much chance to hear something back from 'em); 
• Ability to cast Blindness once per fullmoon, no saving throw allowed;
• Restoration of sight or even regrowing lost eyes (5% for growing additional 1d3 eyes);

Curses caused by Egua:

• Magical whirlpools;
• Fish-related nightmares;
• Permanently losing ability to swim;
• Making all seafood poisonous for the cursed one;
• Blindness;
• Brown Eye Maggot infestation;
• Horrible stench of rotting fish;
• One or both eyes transformed into rectums.

Enjoy! 

Four Unspeakable Sins of the Butter Wizards

as you can see, AI has its uses

1. Transmuted the Death Pyramid into butter. It melted within few hours, flooding the nearby Skull Temple with fat, which after few days turned rancid. Now the land is plagued by terribly stinky, slippery undead.
2. His gifts made the Westmarch King so obese that both of his legs broke under the strain. The spellcaster fled through a magical portal before he could be apprehended and tried.
3. Fed the Golden Dragon with so much butter that the legendary, benevolent reptile exploded during a particularly nasty fit of flatulence.
4. Summoned the Rain of Butter over the entrance to the legendary dungeon, known as the Pit of Seven Treasures. While it's still possible to enter the Pit, no one was able to leave it, with an exception of the Grlumblin Grlumbran, the Flying Bard.

An example of usage of "stupid tables"

 

Yesterday I talked (wrote) about making an RPG book that doesn't hold the reader's hand in the slightest and all of its contents are unclear in their purpose (read it HERE to understand more). Now I want to show you some ideas for these contents and how they could be used if you'd like to treat the book as the semi-complete (no rules, just use Death in Space!) game.

DOOM

A collection of terrible fates, from being welded in an unused room to the collapse of the entire dimension of space. It may be just a prophecy of things awaiting the PC (or the campaign, or the universe), or the superstition plaguing PC's existence. Or just things that led to the important event.

SMALL TRANSITIONS

Humanscale doors and openings (yay). Just random doorways, obstacles, traps. Things to look for or to avoid.

MEDICINE

Obviously, random items (may be valuable af!), research in which the PCs help by gathering stuff and data (and - most likely - killing people, oh RPGs) or just source of nasty diseases and poisons. Or stuff that one PC must regularly take to avoid being dissolved into pile of primordial goo.

CHRONICLERS

NPCs,  tons of ideas of the events of the past (or not tons, just ounces - maybe I'll make just ten of them) - or the future (intertwined with the aforementioned DOOM?). Motivation for some characters to dig deeper into some occurrences, mentioning of artifacts or entities that GM can use to base his/her shit upon.

VERMIN

Just sweet, sweet denizens of ships and stations. Or maybe PC's points of origin. Or their obsessions. Or just bio-engineered tools of espionage or murder. Or (tiny) alien monsters with incomprehensible goals and motivations. Or miniscule divine entities of the Great Void.

SHIP TRAUMA

Maybe the spaceships are just living beings, warped and twisted by the powers of the ancient, hostile Cosmos? Maybe it's just a quirk of the Central Computer. Maybe it's the crew's past. Maybe it's the future (is there any difference between them, with the mazes of relativity always trying to mess up one's point of view?). Maybe you and your gaming team should ditch the idea of impersonating tiny fleshlings and just hop into the metallic flesh of star-faring vessels?

UNUSUAL ROOMS

"Have you really been born in the city-sized meat grinder and your parents were the High Priests of Mangled Flesh?"

 

Thought of the day: read the fucking Blindsight and Echopraxia by Peter Watts if you haven't before. 

PS. Sorry for the chaotic nature of the last two posts. This trend may continue well into the future. I just try to have fun in the obviously fucked-up world we live in. Welcome To The Dark Future.

100 random liquids

1. Sewer Water
2. Potion of Cure Tooth Decay 
3. Potion of Visibility
4. Gnomish Brandy
5. Spring Water (extremely cold)
6. Potion of Strength
7. Cheap Wine
8. Mead
9. Stale Water (full of bacteria)
10. Potion of Flaming Piss
11. Carrot Juice 
12. Potion of Exchange
13. Blood
14. Paint Thinner 
15. Whale Oil 
16. Potion of Dexterity
17. Urine
18. Holy Water 
19. Potion of Open Wounds 
20. Jasmine Tea 
21. Potion of Blindness
22. Potion of Cure Blindness
23. Mushroom Soup 
24. Dwarven Tea 
25. Lemon Juice 
26. Potion of Healing 
27. Sake 
28. Potion of Sluggishness
29. Apple Juice 
30. Orcish Moonshine 
31. Formic Acid 
32. Potion of Constitution 
33. Potion of Rapid Rot 
34. Dwarven Ale
35. Potion of Paralysis
36. Cow Milk 
37. Potion of Cure Poison 
38. Coffee 
39. Potion of Wisdom 
40. Porter 
41. Potion of Charisma
42. Dragon Dung Tea 
43. Cobra Venom
44. Methanol 
45. Brackish Water 
46. Zelgog's Black Elixir 
47. Whale Milk 
48. Energy Drink 
49. Tomato Juice
50. Potato Juice
51. Citric Acid
52. Broth 
53. Alcohol-Free Beer
54. Egg White
55. Elixir of Polymorphy 
56. Potion of Rage 
57. Olive Oil 
58. Potion of Regeneration
59. Nitric Acid 
60. Single Malt Whisky
61. Coconut Water 
62. Petrol 
63. Rotten Tomato Juice 
64. Potion of Boost Speed
65. Soda Pop 
66. Unholy Water
67. Potion of Intelligence 
68. Grape Juice 
69. Potion of Dandruff  
70. Potion of Rust  
71. Cognac 
72. Acetone 
73. Potion of Aging
74. Potion of Youth 
75. Goblin Wine
76. Goblin Milk
77. Maple Syrup 
78. Ouzo
79. Oil Paint (random color) 
80. Rose Tea
81. Potion of Petrification
82. Drain Cleaner 
83. Paradox Fruit Juice
84. Wood Glue 
85. Scorpion Venom
86. Perfume (random scent)
87. Trollish Perfume (just imagine)
88. Potion of Clairaudience
89. Truth Serum 
90. Manticore Milk
91. Champagne
92. Dishwashing Liquid 
93. Love Potion 
94. Potion of Invisibility
95. Oil of Rust Removal
96. Angelic Tears 
97. Kvass 
98. Mercury 
99. Elven Wine 
100. Vampire Blood 

Mystical Elbow Amulet - new magic Item!

Magical artifact, made from the fractured tip of the Demented Scribe's ulna.

• -1 Strength;
• +1 Charisma;
• Wearer fails all checks and saves while on horseback or driving any vehicle;
• Fall Damage is reduced by 1d6 (to minimum 1);
• Wearer automatically passes all saves versus fear and all morale checks. 

(yup, I broke my elbow!)

Not So Perfect Invisibility Potions

 

 

Yay, Potion of Invisibility! Roll 1d10:

1. Potion works as intended; its user becomes blind for 1d12 minutes after the potion's effect ends.
2. Potion makes invisible only for the particular type of enemies. Roll 1d6: 1-3 living creatures, 4 demons, 5 undead, 5 unliving (golems, automatons etc.).
3. In addition to invisibility, potion's user begins to glow. I guess it's possible to miss it in broad daylight. 
4. In addition to invisibility, potion's user starts to stink horribly (CHA halved, beings possessing acute sense of smell may be able to detect him/her with relative ease). This side effect lasts until the next full moon.
5. Potion works as intended, but first three creatures with level / HD lower than the potion's user become invisible for him/her.
6. Potion's effect kicks in with significant delay (4d6 hours!).
7. Potion was mixed with another magical potion (determine randomly), duration / potency of both effects is halved.
8. Duration of invisibility is doubled - as well as all damage received by the potion's user for as long as he/she remains invisible.
9. Duration of invisibility is tripled - but each turn of its effect the user must save vs Magic to avoid giggling uncontrollably. If natural 1 is rolled during the saving throw, the porion's user starts to laugh so hard that he/she is unable to perform any other actions this turn.
   
10. This potion seems to be perfect - invisibility lasts forever. Each morning, potion's user must save vs Magic to become visible for the next 24 hours. This effect can be dispelled by a high-level wizard / priest. Or divine intervention. Or infernal contract.
    

Also, back in 2012, I made something similar for the Potions of Invisibility.

Random Posts!

Roll 1d8 and be amazed.

1. Blackened Iron Pillar. Every new moon, a group of 2d6+5 cultists gather around to sacrifice an albino, three headed goat. Then, an Iron Demon (AC 4, HD 17, 3d12 damage) is summoned and forced to listen to the cult leader's terrible poetry.
2. Pink Marble Post.  Every damaging spell cast within a one-mile radius from the pillar deals half of its normal damage (rounded down) and amount of HP restored by the healing spells is doubled.
3. Platinum Column. Extremely valuable (778879 gp) but guarded by 13 Platinum Golems (AC 2, HD 8, 2d6 damage) which sadly explode when destroyed, dealing 4d10-4 damage.
4. Goblin Radio Tower. This huge wooden post has highly-advanced receiver mounted on its top. Clearly it's of an alien origin and it beams the Space Goblin King's commands down to his minions on the planet. Unfortunately, the device is smeared with goblin feces. There are three large goblin encampments within two-mile radius from the Tower. 
5. Bone Column. Looks like a huge human spine. Every living creature killed within the one-mile radius from the Column rises as an undead after 1d4 hours.
6. Glass Spire. If touched with one's forehead for one hour, the post heals of one's wounds and reverses the effects of stat and level draining. In addition to healing, it curses with terrible nightmares that hinder sleep (-1 to all stat checks and saving throws) for the entire month.
7. Clay Pillar. Looks like a chimney build with crudely made bricks. On closer inspection, each brick is decorated with a tiny, extremely complex rune. If one spills his/her/its blood (1 HP worth of blood) and touches the Pillar, he/she/it becomes instantly teleported to the second, identical Clay Pillar, located somewhere else within the same star system. Doesn't work on bloodless creatures.
8. Phallic Post. It just looks like a ginormous schlong. Move along.
   

Six ridiculous magic items

1. Chromium Skull of Celestial Summoning. Summons an abandoned alien battlecruiser that was hiding on the orbit for the last 12700 years. It will take a warship 5d4 days to arrive and there's a 37% chance it will crash-land, causing major environmental disaster on a continental scale.
2. The Empty Hourglass. When shattered, it removes its user from the time continuum, barring it from interacting with any matter at all, for all eternity. Bear in mind that it's more than certain that he/she isn't the only entity that ended up in that situation.
3. The Obsidian Clock. Massive grandfather clock whose hands seem to not move at all, despite its extremely overcomplicated mechanism clearly being in motion. Resetting the hands will immediately trigger the apocalypse, destroying the world in seven days.
4. Immortality Stone. It grants, well, immortality for anyone who touches it. Sadly, the power lasts only for time the contact is maintained. And the Stone weighs approximately 75 thousand tons.
5. Minotaur's Scroll. When read, it teleports its user to the center of nearest labyrinth, no matter if it's a kindergarten hedge maze, orbital prison or an underwater tomb of antediluvian, cosmic evil.
   
6. Bell of Omnipotence. If put on one's head, it grants access to all spells for as long as it remains worn. Unfortunately, it also strips its wearer of all senses, making him/her unable to see, hear, taste, smell, sense by touch, echolocate, electrolocate, sense direction, sense humidity, sense magic and so on.

Annoying traits of the hirelings

1. Chronic runny nose
2. Sleepwalking
3. Delusions of grandeur
4. Lecherous
5. Alcoholic
6. Sleep-talking (or rather sleep-shouting!)
7. Fear of horses
8. Navel picker
9. Lazy
   
10. Horrible bad breath
11. Ascetic to the point of absurdity
12. Fear of magic
13. Goblin makeup
14. Constantly falling in love
15. Curse of flatulence
16. Eats only fish (has own supply of dried cave trout)
17. Almost deaf but pretends his/her hearing is excellent
18. Wears only red
19. Night blindness
20. Extreme atheist

Only two months more and I'll manage to post something each month of 2024! It will be my first year with regular, monthly posting since... uhh, 2013? 

Accursed Footwear

Each pair of the cursed shoes described below cannot be removed once worn, at least without using magic (eg. Remove Curse) or a hacksaw.

1. The Clog of Transformation. Each day, the victim becomes more and more... woody, losing one point of STR, DEX or CON, determined randomly. Once any stat reaches 2 or less, the victim starts to sprout twigs and grow leaves. Once any of the stats reaches zero, the victim is fully transformed into a small tree.
2. The Hungry Boots. The shoes have delaminated soles, giving them a hungry look. If one looks closer, he/she can notice multitude of small but razor-sharp teeth, adorning the shoes' "mouths". The Hungry Boots deal 1d4+1 additional kick damage as bite but must taste blood every day or they will drain 1 HP from their wearer each day.
3. Demonic Ballet Shoes. When worn they allow to move without making a sound, even during jumping or kicking. Unfortunately, the wearer cannot move in any manner other than dance. For each character with DEX less than 16 it means -1 to all to-hit rolls and +1 to AC. This penalty is doubled if DEX is lower than 8. Of course, the dancing movement can cause many other issues - just imagine an audience with a king...
4. Boots of Inversion. Once worn, they immediately flip the gravity for the wearer, slamming him/her onto the ceiling (fall damage may apply). Too bad if they were worn under a sky - it will take about twenty to thirty minutes for the victim to reach the escape velocity.
   
5. The Black Fins. The swimming fins made of black studded leather. They allow to breathe water and swim and dive effortlessly. Unfortunately, their wearer is no longer able to walk (treat him/her as having DEX of 1 on land)... or breathe air.
6. Assassin's High Heels. The legend says that they once belonged to a dwarven assassin Ho'dak the Dreadful. They grant immunity to all poisons and venoms and can be used as a +3 kicking weapon with a magical poison damage (save or die). Unfortunately, the footwear's curse manifest in a peculiar way - every sentient being is immediately aware of the wearer's presence (and the fact that he/she is wearing a strangely looking high heels) - even being invisible makes the surrounding beings suspicious and tense.
   

Idiotic character background details

This is really something. Something pretty useless. But I felt inspired in a weird way - a way I don't think is very fruitful!

Roll 1d20 to learn about some pretty meaningless facts about your PC's background!

1. PC's family owns 6d6 ducks.
2. PC's maternal grandmother has/had 2d8-2 warts on her face.
3. There's 3% chance that the PC's great-grandfather was a magic user. 90% chance that he was a really lousy one.
4. When the PC was a kid, he/she owned a 1d20: 1-9 pet dog, 10-18 pet cat, 19 pet goose 20 goldfish.
5. Two generations ago, all PC's direct ancestors had irises of different colors in both eyes.
6. PC's paternal grandfather lost a leg during a war. Also, he is/was an alcoholic.
7. 1d3+2 generations ago, PC's family lost a sizable estate and their entire fortune due to gambling.
8. 1d3+2 generations ago, PC's family lost a sizable estate and their entire fortune due to magical curse.
9. PC's father had 1d4 affairs, while his/her mother had 1d3.
10. PC's great-great-grandmother was an illegitimate child of a local prince/duke/baron.
11. Neither the PC's parents nor grandparents had ever owned a cat.
12. PC's grandfather was magically allergic to horses, mules and donkeys.
13. PC's father became bald when he was 12+1d6 years old.
14. All siblings of the PC's parents became monks or priests. Or nuns. Or priestesses.
15. PC's grandfather had a biggest mustache in the entire region.
16. PC's grandmother had a biggest mustache in the entire region.
17. When the PC was a kid, he/she fell in love with a member of royal family. The love was one-sided, obviously.
18. PC's 1d6: 1-3 father, 4-6 mother was locally infamous for his/her extremely loud, high pitched voice.
19. PC's great-great-grandfather was a butler for the local prince/duke/baron.
20. PC's parents once won a local contest for growing a largest turnip in the area.
    

Six Befouled Ponds

1. Filled with blue-green tar. The tar isn't poisonous or anything - but it's extremely easy to be trapped and drown in it. And its fumes are hallucinogenic.
2. The water is rancid and grey. Various toxic molds grow on the pond's edges. There's a huge Pink Leech hiding at the pool's bottom.
3. The water is crystal clear and suitable for drinking. Unfortunately, there are at least seventeen Jade Shamblers growing in the tall, sapphire grass surrounding the pond.
4. The local tribe is using the pond as a sacrificial place for their gods. Once each season they drown some of their cattle in deep, dark waters. Each full moon, the undead oxen and cows crawl out of the pool.
5. Ground around the pool is covered with dozens of statues of various animals. Some of them seem to be in perfect condition, while other are shattered and/or heavily weathered. Any living being that drinks from the pond must save vs Magic or turns into stone within 1d4 minutes.
6. The thick liquid in the pond is of brown-red color. It emits a horrid stench of death and decay. Three monoliths of polished black stone surround the pool. Each sunset, three Iron Demons descend from the blood-red sky to drink from the pond. Even though they seem to be hostile towards any other being, it's said that they can grant power to those whose souls are absolutely corrupted and blackened by sin.
   

Twelve Things Unearthed By Mistake

 

1. Huge iron bottle with a Demon of Three Plagues trapped inside.
2. Key to the Tomb of the Mummified Emperor.
3. Skull of the Headless Avenger.
4. Monolith of the Deluge.
5. Entrance to the Tunnels of Doom.
6. Previously missing tip of the Sword of Betrayal.
7. Silver casket, created to trap the Eternal Queen.
8. Crown of Madness, still adorning the Lunatic King's skull.
9. Divine Cork, plugging the Well of Thousand Locusts.
10. Hypercube of the Negative Dimensions.
11. Door to the Prison of the Sixty Thief Lords.
12. Bell of the Earthquakes.
    

Random table: what's controlling them?

The group the PCs encounter is acting, well, strange. Roll 1d10 to determine what's controlling/possessing/deceiving the encountered creatures:

1. Brain-altering fungus, contracted in the nearby crypt;
2. Demon, trapped in the large ruby, held by the group's leader;
3. Cursed dagger, used to sacrifice the high priest of the local most prominent religion;
4. Addiction to the Star Root;
5. Their brains were damaged by toxic fumes, the group is just acting erratically;
6. Sword of Seventh Hell, whispering false promises of power;
7. Ghost of their late leader, killed in ritual combat by the Arthropod Prince;
8. The Quest spell;
9. Hallucinations induced by the spell guarding the nearest place of power;
10. Parasitic magical worms, created by a mad wizard.
11. Moonflower dust, forcing them to search for the way to contract lycanthropy;
12. Angelic vision, in fact being sent by a disguised demon prince.