Thursday, March 26, 2026
Death Moon Hallucinations
Sunday, January 11, 2026
Unsettling Discoveries - the Village
- The village elder is a vampire. He feeds only on visitors.
- Village's Old Well is full of corpses. The corpses are animated.
- Something is possessing the cattle. The possessed beasts all go north.
- All children have disappeared overnight and their parents are hiding it.
- There is a Death Worm living under a shrine. It controls the local cleric.
- This year's crop failure was caused by a blasphemous ritual that took place on the fields.
- Each second child born in the village was sacrificed in the woods.
- All villagers are doppelgangers.
Tuesday, December 9, 2025
December Doom! Cursed Cutlery!
- Turns every food it touches into goblin feces.
- Poisons every food it touches (save or blindness for 1d6 minutes). Maybe could be used as poisoned weapon, who knows?
- This shit is animated and hostile! 1HP, AC3, 1d2 damage, levitates.
- Once put in mouth, it sticks to one's lips / gums / tongue with a very powerful, magical adhesive it produces. Sucks to be you.
- Once put in mouth, it becomes searing hot (1d6 damage).
- Cannot be used for eating. Knives are unable to cut anything other than user'a fingers, spoons seem to be leaky, forks automatically miss every bit of food. Ladles breathe stinking, corrosive gas. Hope you don't have a ladle.
- Once the cutlery's user starts to eat, they must save vs magic or become so ravenous that nothing can stop them from devouring anything that is even remotely edible. Bones, wood, shoes, vermin, pets, infants, halflings. Failed saving throws can be re-attempted once per hour.
- The cutlery is possessed by an entire family of lesser demons. They are able to communicate telepathically with others. They promise amazing treasure in exchange for "stabbing someone with the cutlery right in the heart". Of course, they're full of shit. Such stabbing would just swap the souls of the victims with the demonic essences trapped in the items.
I honestly don't know how I figure this shit out. It just appears in my mind.
Monday, December 8, 2025
SSS: Stupid Space Structures
- A Generation Ship race. It has started approximately 12000 years ago. No one remembers where the end line is.
- A fake planet made of styrofoam. Entire ecosystem of polystyrene-dependent creatures inhabit its surface.
- The Yellow Embassy. Occupied by the alien species that communicate by urinating on themselves and their interlocutors. Free beer for everyone.
- A terraformed "paradise planet" with a functional space ladder as the only safe way to reach its surface.
- A Great War-era German U-Boat, crewed by Kaiservampires.
- One trillion-Watt lightbulb, as big as an orbital shipyard. Probably nothing can power it. Cult of Energy Preservation and the Church of the Unborn Light are at war for its control.
Yup this one is really useless.
Thursday, December 4, 2025
December Doom! Cursed Amulets!
Aaaand for the second year in the row I managed to put out at least one post per month. I will not lie - I'm kinda proud of myself!
PS. Yes. Rusty Beads of the Itching Ecstasy sound particularly wicked.
Sunday, November 9, 2025
Weird behavior of the NPCs
- Jumping on one leg
- Talking to themselves in falsetto
- Faking seizures
- Scratching their body fervently
- Fist fighting invisible opponent(s)
- Laying on the ground and attempting to swim in the air
- Walking on hands
- Faking casting spell
- Laying face down
- Playing dead
Why?
- Demonic possession
- Intoxication
- Mental illness
- Magical curse / spell
- Parasites!
- Lost bet
- Acting
- Just because
Wednesday, November 5, 2025
November Nastiness! Random NPCs!
Is it November already?
Please, enjoy this little random table that may help you create some lovely NPCs for your game.
Sunday, October 12, 2025
Ashen Void and cannibalizing of published works
I like Ashen Void. Alot. I think I outdid myself when designing this one. The ideas are interesting and unusual. But it suffers from the AI illustrations... obviously? But let me explain myself.
When I decided to use AI "art" for the book, it was still more or less a curiosity. Models weren't as sophisticated as they are now - and I saw it as strength. It was relatively hard to produce something coherent and good looking - and really easy to spit out nightmarish abominations. And I like nightmarish abominations. And they fit the book nicely.
I don't think it was a mistake. I still enjoy the final result, weird text, even weirder creatures and random tables, combined with "what the fuck I'm looking at" graphics. But it's time to move on.
At first, I thought about making a second edition of the book, with expanded tables, new monsters, some artifacts, NPCs, and - most importantly - my own, handmade artwork. Sadly (or not!), it won't happen.
I will cannibalize the Ashen Void. The project was rushed and it has much more potential than it's already presented in the book. I want to expand on some ideas and while I'll probably ditch more than I'll preserve for another project, I'll most likely post the "rejected" content here, on this blog.
Thus, Ashen Void will disappear from both Lulu and DriveThruRPG in the near future. If you want to grab yourself a copy - it's the right time to do so, either now or until the end of year. In 2026, the book won't be available anymore.
Also, I think the new project will have a new blog. It's already getting quite huge and I want to have it organized and easily available. I haven't decided whether it will be here, on Blogger, or on substack. Time will tell but I'm leaning towards Blogspot, mainly because I'm so used to it, I don't plan to monetize the blog and I like the ability to change layouts, colors etc.
That's all for today folks, see you next time!
Mandatory random table. Roll 1d8.
- Duck Duke. Mutated beyond recognition, except for the feet and the beak.
- Bear Baron. Skinless, all muscles exposed. Huge fangs dripping with acid.
- Viper Vicar. Protected by the Serpent God. Casts perversely altered Cleric spells.
- Parrot Prince. As big as a house. Knows all languages and all secrets. An idiot.
- Leech Lord. Stores blood of various beings, even gods. Can trade samples for riddles and crosswords.
- Koala Knight. A really old man. Wears bright-yellow armor. Undefeated in duels. Eats only koalas.
- Emu Emperor. Governs a vast empire, stretching throughout the Guntranrar Plains. Extremely frustrated by stupidity of his subjects.
- Crab Cardinal. Really tiny. Glows in the dark. Knew all Clerical spells of the world but forgot them all. An alcoholic.
Tuesday, September 2, 2025
Four Unspeakable Sins of the Butter Wizards
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| as you can see, AI has its uses |
- Transmuted the Death Pyramid into butter. It melted within few hours, flooding the nearby Skull Temple with fat, which after few days turned rancid. Now the land is plagued by terribly stinky, slippery undead.
- His gifts made the Westmarch King so obese that both of his legs broke under the strain. The spellcaster fled through a magical portal before he could be apprehended and tried.
- Fed the Golden Dragon with so much butter that the legendary, benevolent reptile exploded during a particularly nasty fit of flatulence.
- Summoned the Rain of Butter over the entrance to the legendary dungeon, known as the Pit of Seven Treasures. While it's still possible to enter the Pit, no one was able to leave it, with an exception of the Grlumblin Grlumbran, the Flying Bard.
Monday, September 1, 2025
Random Festivals and Celebrations!
- Soap-eating Contest
- Festival of Castles Made of Bread
- The Goblin Orgy
- The Cacophonous Convergence
- Brown Paint Festival
- Celebration of the Grand Convulsions
- Grease-Maker’s Market
- Opera of Lamenters
- Nut Cracking Battle
- Coffin Rafting
- Gorgon Corrida & Stone Statue Exhibition
- Festival of Furniture
- The Ogre Rodeo
- Night of the Butter
- Celebration of the Trebuchets
- Tower Jumping Contest
- Mule-carrying Run
- Tomato Full Moon
- Week of the Dough
- Mushroom Enlargement Magical Contest
More similar bullshit HERE!
Monday, July 7, 2025
Ten Random Openings
- Necromancer's Portal. Leads to the nearest 1d6: 1 mausoleum; 2 mortuary; 3 top of the ancient burial mound; 4 funeral home; 5 torture chamber; 6 ossuary. If you don't know the magic password, the connection is one-way.
- Kobold Mine Entrance. Leads to an ancient kobold mine, thirteen levels deep. Lots of rare and valuable ores and some magical crystals can be found there but the corridors are really, REALLY low and narrow.
- Non-Obviously Trapped Door. 1d6: 1 Level-Draining Handle; 2 Acid-Spitting Door Clapper; 3 Ridden with Devourer Maggots; 4 Door Mimic; 5 Paralyzing Handle; 6 Swarm-Summoning Alarm.
- Demonic Well. If granted an offering such as gold or live sacrifice, can answer any question but does it in very insulting way. Water from the well is mildly poisonous, even for the creatures that are immune to non-magical poison. The Well leads to Hell itself.
- Closet to Retardia. A door hidden in a closet that leads to a sizeable pocket dimension of a fairytale land. Sadly, all its inhabitants are as dumb as rocks, all coins,gems and jewelry are fake and all livestock and most of flowers are carnivorous and always hungry.
- Window of Visions. A peculiar, large window, always showing dark, overcast sky. If one should stare into the clouds for at least 10 minutes, the Window will show a vision of the most important event that took place the day before and occurred less than 10 miles from the spectator. If someone enters the cloudy realm of the Window, becomes lost forever in the dreadful Dimension of Swirling Eyeballs.
- Foul Cavern. Locals tell stories of the druidic treasure hidden in the cavern for centuries. Obviously, the cave is inhabited / guarded by a nasty beast. 1d6: 1 Three-Headed Bear; 2 Putrid Ram Demon; 3 Skeletal Duelists; 4 Troglodytic Werebats; 5 Tar Worm (largest in the province); 6 Swarm of Fist-Sized Lice.
- Mysterious Stairway. They say it appeared overnight. Large, stone stairs lead to 1d6: 1 the Divine Cellar; 2 the Tunnels of Thousand Sounds; 3 sadly, nowhere; 4 the Prison of Headless Illusionist; 5 the Decaying Museum; 6 the Navidson's House.
- Dimensional Fissure. One-way tear in the fabric of reality, leading to our world from 1d6: Realm of Slug Philosophers; 2 Sea of Primordial Souls; 3 Galactic Anthill; 4 Rodent Purgatory; 5 Land of Sulfuric Storms; 6 Bovine Heavens.
- Magical Peephole. Allows to look into 1d12: 1 Goblin Ballroom; 2 Boudoir of the Queen of Retardia; 3 Needle Demon's Trap Cell; 4 Butter Wizard's Wardrobe; 6 Kaleidoscopic Museum; 7 Hypnotic Garden; 8 Trollish Latrine; 9 Secret War Room; 10 Lecture Hall in Elemental University; 11 Spy Ring Meeting Place; 12 Realm of the All-Seeing Eye.
Friday, June 20, 2025
100 random liquids
- Sewer Water
- Potion of Cure Tooth Decay
- Potion of Visibility
- Gnomish Brandy
- Spring Water (extremely cold)
- Potion of Strength
- Cheap Wine
- Mead
- Stale Water (full of bacteria)
- Potion of Flaming Piss
- Carrot Juice
- Potion of Exchange
- Blood
- Paint Thinner
- Whale Oil
- Potion of Dexterity
- Urine
- Holy Water
- Potion of Open Wounds
- Jasmine Tea
- Potion of Blindness
- Potion of Cure Blindness
- Mushroom Soup
- Dwarven Tea
- Lemon Juice
- Potion of Healing
- Sake
- Potion of Sluggishness
- Apple Juice
- Orcish Moonshine
- Formic Acid
- Potion of Constitution
- Potion of Rapid Rot
- Dwarven Ale
- Potion of Paralysis
- Cow Milk
- Potion of Cure Poison
- Coffee
- Potion of Wisdom
- Porter
- Potion of Charisma
- Dragon Dung Tea
- Cobra Venom
- Methanol
- Brackish Water
- Zelgog's Black Elixir
- Whale Milk
- Energy Drink
- Tomato Juice
- Potato Juice
- Citric Acid
- Broth
- Alcohol-Free Beer
- Egg White
- Elixir of Polymorphy
- Potion of Rage
- Olive Oil
- Potion of Regeneration
- Nitric Acid
- Single Malt Whisky
- Coconut Water
- Petrol
- Rotten Tomato Juice
- Potion of Boost Speed
- Soda Pop
- Unholy Water
- Potion of Intelligence
- Grape Juice
- Potion of Dandruff
- Potion of Rust
- Cognac
- Acetone
- Potion of Aging
- Potion of Youth
- Goblin Wine
- Goblin Milk
- Maple Syrup
- Ouzo
- Oil Paint (random color)
- Rose Tea
- Potion of Petrification
- Drain Cleaner
- Paradox Fruit Juice
- Wood Glue
- Scorpion Venom
- Perfume (random scent)
- Trollish Perfume (just imagine)
- Potion of Clairaudience
- Truth Serum
- Manticore Milk
- Champagne
- Dishwashing Liquid
- Love Potion
- Potion of Invisibility
- Oil of Rust Removal
- Angelic Tears
- Kvass
- Mercury
- Elven Wine
- Vampire Blood
Friday, May 16, 2025
Not So Perfect Invisibility Potions
- Potion works as intended; its user becomes blind for 1d12 minutes after the potion's effect ends.
- Potion makes invisible only for the particular type of enemies. Roll 1d6: 1-3 living creatures, 4 demons, 5 undead, 5 unliving (golems, automatons etc.).
- In addition to invisibility, potion's user begins to glow. I guess it's possible to miss it in broad daylight.
- In addition to invisibility, potion's user starts to stink horribly (CHA halved, beings possessing acute sense of smell may be able to detect him/her with relative ease). This side effect lasts until the next full moon.
- Potion works as intended, but first three creatures with level / HD lower than the potion's user become invisible for him/her.
- Potion's effect kicks in with significant delay (4d6 hours!).
- Potion was mixed with another magical potion (determine randomly), duration / potency of both effects is halved.
- Duration of invisibility is doubled - as well as all damage received by the potion's user for as long as he/she remains invisible.
- Duration of invisibility is tripled - but each turn of its effect the user must save vs Magic to avoid giggling uncontrollably. If natural 1 is rolled during the saving throw, the porion's user starts to laugh so hard that he/she is unable to perform any other actions this turn.
- This potion seems to be perfect - invisibility lasts forever. Each morning, potion's user must save vs Magic to become visible for the next 24 hours. This effect can be dispelled by a high-level wizard / priest. Or divine intervention. Or infernal contract.
Also, back in 2012, I made something similar for the Potions of Invisibility.
Monday, April 21, 2025
Random Posts!
Roll 1d8 and be amazed.
- Blackened Iron Pillar. Every new moon, a group of 2d6+5 cultists gather around to sacrifice an albino, three headed goat. Then, an Iron Demon (AC 4, HD 17, 3d12 damage) is summoned and forced to listen to the cult leader's terrible poetry.
- Pink Marble Post. Every damaging spell cast within a one-mile radius from the pillar deals half of its normal damage (rounded down) and amount of HP restored by the healing spells is doubled.
- Platinum Column. Extremely valuable (778879 gp) but guarded by 13 Platinum Golems (AC 2, HD 8, 2d6 damage) which sadly explode when destroyed, dealing 4d10-4 damage.
- Goblin Radio Tower. This huge wooden post has highly-advanced receiver mounted on its top. Clearly it's of an alien origin and it beams the Space Goblin King's commands down to his minions on the planet. Unfortunately, the device is smeared with goblin feces. There are three large goblin encampments within two-mile radius from the Tower.
- Bone Column. Looks like a huge human spine. Every living creature killed within the one-mile radius from the Column rises as an undead after 1d4 hours.
- Glass Spire. If touched with one's forehead for one hour, the post heals of one's wounds and reverses the effects of stat and level draining. In addition to healing, it curses with terrible nightmares that hinder sleep (-1 to all stat checks and saving throws) for the entire month.
- Clay Pillar. Looks like a chimney build with crudely made bricks. On closer inspection, each brick is decorated with a tiny, extremely complex rune. If one spills his/her/its blood (1 HP worth of blood) and touches the Pillar, he/she/it becomes instantly teleported to the second, identical Clay Pillar, located somewhere else within the same star system. Doesn't work on bloodless creatures.
- Phallic Post. It just looks like a ginormous schlong. Move along.
Tuesday, March 18, 2025
Random tables!
- Brass Spiked Table. Made of uhh, spiked brass. Any summon spell cast while the scroll / spellbook sits on this table is more effective, but in quite unexpected way - the number of summoned creatures is increased by one, no matter if the spell summons a cricket or a lesser deity.
- Swan Table. Made of white wood, with strangely curved legs. Big enough for two human-sized creaures to sit on it. Can be used in manner similar to magic carpet - just way weirder.
- Twenty-legged Table. Made of reddish, cracked wood, at least twenty feet long. When approached, it transforms into an enormous centipede and attacks! AC 4, HD 5, fast movement, save vs Poison or 1d4 additional damage and -1 to all attack rolls for one hour (cumulative).
- Malachite Workbench. All poison brewed on this table are more potent - either lasting for twice as long, or dealing additional damage die, or modifying victim's saving throw by -1.
- Pink Topaz Table. Any food left on this table for at least ten minutes loses its poisonous properties. Unfortunately, it also loses any taste, while keeping its nutritional value.
- Singing Oak Table. Each night, a huge mouth appears on the surface of this table. It devours everything that was placed on it. The items can be safely retrieved if the secret codeword is sang.
- Goblin Stool Table. Any gold placed on this table is transmuted into goblin feces. Any silver is enchanted, dealing additional 2d6 damage to all zoanthropes (effect lasts for 24 hours). Any water is transformed into lemon juice. And fruits are transformed into cucumbers. Transmutation process starts immediately and lasts for 1d4 minutes.
- Coffee Table of Great Fun. Made of finely polished walnut and adorned by a shimmering, floral rune. Anyone who touches the rune must save vs Magic or temporarily gets 13 additional HP, -1 to AC (to a minimum of 2) and gets extremely drunk. Additionally, they become plagued by nasty hallucinations of naked but extremely hideous dryads (-1 to all rolls). Effect lasts for six hours.
Tuesday, February 18, 2025
Mad King's Decisions - random table
Roll 1d10 and enjoy the mayhem:
- Contradict your last edict.
- Contradict your last edict, only to revert to it 1d4 days later.
- Show up on the big horse race event*.
- Pact with your biggest historical enemy with no apparent reason.
- Propose annexation of all of border kingdoms.
- Nominate kingdom's biggest d6: 1 idiot; 2 con, 3 criminal, 4 evil cult leader, 5 lunatic, 6 legendary monster - as your advisor.
- Execute the realm's d6: 1 archmage, 2 spy leader, 3 royal physician, 4 key general, 5 advisor, 6 key minister.
- Exile all the d4: 1 royal guards, 2 royal cooks, 3 capital city's administrators, 4 army officers.
- Revert your last 1d4 edicts. There is a 37% chance to revert the reversal day later. Roll separately for each edict.
- Roll twice and combine the effects!
*) I love NASCAR, as one of 2d20 Europeans who watch it.
PS. My 50% sale of all PDFs is still going!
Wednesday, January 15, 2025
Ridiculous Random Results - Disappointing Treasure
- Chest full of candies shaped like coins
- Pouch full with colorful glass shards
- Sculpture of a chest
- Moldy leather armor
- Rugged traveler’s boots, soaked with potent psychedelics
- Magical tome, totally ruined with tar
- Scroll tube full of children drawings
- Miniature full plate armor, rusty
- Chest within a chest within a chest within a chest
- Chest with a very complicated lock; the key to open it is the only item inside
- Two gilded potties, full of ancient “treasure”
- Beautiful wooden sculpture - unfortunately, it seems it was used as a target practice at least few dozen times
- Ornate oil lamp made of brass; no Djinn inside
- Supposedly magical wand, broken in three pieces
- Wooden case full of small flasks or jars
- Small portable altar or a reliquary, made of a hollowed-out loaf of bread
- Scroll containing an ancient cipher that turns out to be totally gibberish
- Map leading the to the Tomb of Thousand Traps
- Dragon egg, hardboiled
- Jar containing two dozen goblin testicles, preserved in honey
Wednesday, January 8, 2025
Ridiculous Random Results - what's inside?
Contents of my latest booklet- the Ridiculous Random Results which I dropped two days ago - is already available here on the blog. Here's the list of all random tables, as well as linkage to things that were already posted here!
THE SECRET OF POWER
ANNOYING TRAITS OF THE HIRELINGS
EXOTIC RACES/ORIGINS OF THE HIRELINGS
WEIRD ITEMS IN A TOOL LOCKER
RIDICULOUS MAGIC ITEMS
ACCURSED FOOTWEAR
USELESS CREATURES
DEITIES FORGOTTEN FOR A REASON
IDIOTIC CHARACTER BACKGROUND DETAILS
BIZARRE ROOMS
THINGS UNEARTHED BY MISTAKE
ARTIFACTS THAT FELL FROM THE SKY
FAKE ELIXIRS
STRANGE SMALL ITEMS
GOBLIN DISHES
USELESS FURNITURE
MORONIC RUMORS
DISAPPOINTING TREASURE
UNWELCOME GUESTS
NASTY LIGHT SOURCES
FAILED FAMILIARS
MAPS & PLANS
UNUSUAL PETS
FESTIVALS & CELEBRATIONS
USELESS OCCUPATIONS
GOBLIN SAINTS
Saturday, January 4, 2025
Twenty Weird Items in a Tool Locker
Roll 1d20:
- Half-melted wrench;
- Set of seventeen infrared light bulbs, each of different size and socket type;
- Welding mask shaped like an ant's head;
- Circular saw blade covered with autographs of people you don't know;
- Pair of diver's boots;
- Five screwdrivers bent and knotted together;
- Rasp made of crystal;
- Pair of heavy leather gloves, with someone's severed hands still inside;
- Denture with teeth replaced with wood screws;
- Cordless drill modified in a way allowing it to shoot drill bits;
- Mysterious map made of scraps of sandpaper glued together;
- Necklace made of mirror-polished screw nuts;
- A perfect cube of cast iron, with each side measuring exactly 66,6 millimeters;
- Hard hat adorned with a pair of antlers;
- Large hammer with a head on each tip;
- Harp made of a shovel and a flute made of a fragment of copper piping;
- Ginormous screw, at least three feet long and weighing more than 40 lbs;
- Dildo made of berylium;
- Huge welding iron, more resembling a sword than a tool;
- Thirteen metal buckets put in one another and spot-welded together.
Happy 2025, you bastards!
Wednesday, December 4, 2024
Exotic hirelings' races/origins
Tired of bland and ordinary meatshields? FUCK 'EM UP! Roll 1d100 and see their totally insane origins:
- Rhino Man
- Wooden automaton
- Sentient Crab
- Inverted Silver Pyramid
- Giant Halfling
- Skinless One
- Clay Golem
- Pink Elf
- Cat
- Mummy
- Orc Gentleman
- Merman / Mermaid
- Clockwork Man
- Clock Man
- Glowing Kobold
- Rusty Iron Dwarf
- Fire Drake
- Animated Lead Soldier
- Two-Headed Minotaur
- Lamprey Vampire
- Masked Cosmic Horror
- Animated Sword
- Eel Lord / Lady
- Chain Golem
- Warrior's Spirit
- Carp Man
- Doppelganger
- Wererabbit
- Tortoise Man
- Elegant Skeleton
- Animated Armor
- Animated Candelabra
- Sentient Caterpillar
- Floating Skull
- Mimic
- Pig Man
- Fallen Angel
- Cinder Golem
- Talking Horse
- Centaur
- Spiked Mannequin
- Invisible Stalker
- Invisible Giant
- Floating Hypercube
- Pack of Dogs
- Eternal Child
- Floating Eye
- Gelatinous Man
- Garden Gnome
- Heron Man
- Ice Statue
- Unshackled Demon
- Mushroom Man
- Werepython
- Snail Man
- Animated Tree
- Bison Man
- Barbarian Robot
- Locust Man
- Anvilhead
- Mantis Man
- Sad Ghost
- Pygmy Ogre
- Frog Man
- Lady in a Painting
- Alien Amoeba
- Animated Chair
- Sparrow Prince / Princess
- Dimensional Snatcher
- Mandragora
- Ghoul
- Color Thief
- Narwahl Man
- Headless Horseman
- Perfumed Zombie
- Flower Man
- Goblin Noble
- Scorpion Man
- Shimmering Gremlin
- Animated Cloak
- Trash Golem
- Phoenix Man
- Union of Small Goblins
- Ugly Succubus / Incubus
- Tin Automaton
- Antimagical Statue
- Three-Headed Man
- Wool Golem
- Troglodyte Noble
- Crocodile Man
- Animated Fossil
- Unbound Marionette
- Humanoid Ooze
- Cathedral-less Gargoyle
- Thawed One
- Swarm of Sentient Mice
- Broken Saint
- Dragon Pup
- Crystal Man
- Forgotten Deity


















