Poisonous Brochures

Do you need a new poison for your game? I've got you covered!

Just open your meds cabinet / drawer / vault / tabernacle and pick up a random brochure. Read the side effects and combine them all. Voila, your new exotic poison is now ready! 

Septagram Amulet

A simple magic item. An amulet made of cobalt, depicting a seven pointed star.

• It provides a 7+ saving throw against all clerical spells targeting the Amulet's wearer, even if they are healing spells.
• Each successful saving throw must be noted by the GM, because each third successful saving throw causes the Amulet to drain 7 HP from its wearer. The effect is immediate, no saving throw can save from this Hit Points drain.
• If the amulet is soaked in its wearer's blood for seven straight days (at least 1 HP worth of blood per day), it grants its wearer one-time boon of 7777 XP - and one Hellish Mutation (figure it out yourself). Probably it also does something nasty to the wearer's soul.
• The amulet has no effect on any creatures that aren't alive (eg. undead, automata, golems, spirits) or doesn't possess soul.

Enjoy! 

Egua, God of Eyeballs

 

• Minor deity, worshiped in many small fisherman settlements;
• Accepts various eyeballs as offering, especially fond of those belonging to large fish and squid;
• Depicted as large, three-legged bream with 13 eyes;
• His priests are always male and must be overweight and quite hairy;
• Each Shrine of Egua has a (supposedly) magical item - an eyeball made of pure gold (powers unknown but it's said that one per year can be used to resurrect a drowned creature); 
• Egua's fervent followers, as well as his priests, never wash their bodies. Sometimes they even "enhance their odor" by smearing their flesh with fish.

Powers granted by Egua to his followers and priests:

• Ability to see in murky and/or dark water;
• Summon the Infernal Carp 3rd level clerical spell (figure it out by yourself);
• Water breathing;
• Ability to speak to fish (not much chance to hear something back from 'em); 
• Ability to cast Blindness once per fullmoon, no saving throw allowed;
• Restoration of sight or even regrowing lost eyes (5% for growing additional 1d3 eyes);

Curses caused by Egua:

• Magical whirlpools;
• Fish-related nightmares;
• Permanently losing ability to swim;
• Making all seafood poisonous for the cursed one;
• Blindness;
• Brown Eye Maggot infestation;
• Horrible stench of rotting fish;
• One or both eyes transformed into rectums.

Enjoy! 

Four Unspeakable Sins of the Butter Wizards

as you can see, AI has its uses

1. Transmuted the Death Pyramid into butter. It melted within few hours, flooding the nearby Skull Temple with fat, which after few days turned rancid. Now the land is plagued by terribly stinky, slippery undead.
2. His gifts made the Westmarch King so obese that both of his legs broke under the strain. The spellcaster fled through a magical portal before he could be apprehended and tried.
3. Fed the Golden Dragon with so much butter that the legendary, benevolent reptile exploded during a particularly nasty fit of flatulence.
4. Summoned the Rain of Butter over the entrance to the legendary dungeon, known as the Pit of Seven Treasures. While it's still possible to enter the Pit, no one was able to leave it, with an exception of the Grlumblin Grlumbran, the Flying Bard.

Random Festivals and Celebrations!

 

1. Soap-eating Contest
2. Festival of Castles Made of Bread
3. The Goblin Orgy
4. The Cacophonous Convergence
5. Brown Paint Festival
6. Celebration of the Grand Convulsions
7. Grease-Maker’s Market
8. Opera of Lamenters
9. Nut Cracking Battle
10. Coffin Rafting
11. Gorgon Corrida & Stone Statue Exhibition
12. Festival of Furniture
13. The Ogre Rodeo
14. Night of the Butter
15. Celebration of the Trebuchets
16. Tower Jumping Contest
17. Mule-carrying Run
18. Tomato Full Moon
19. Week of the Dough
20. Mushroom Enlargement Magical Contest 

 More similar bullshit HERE!

800th post

Fifteen years. Eight hundred posts.

Okay, technically sixteen years including Terminal Space blog. Still, 36-38% of my entire life (I could count it based on months, not approximate number of years - but no one cares, including myself). More than one third of my entire life. I started my TTRPG adventure in 1997, so for more than half of this time I am with you.

I have only one thing to say. Thank you. For your support, for being interested in things I write, draw and design. Chapeau bas.

PS. I realized I haven't shared this with you. I like this album alot, I think it's one of my best.

 

An example of usage of "stupid tables"

 

Yesterday I talked (wrote) about making an RPG book that doesn't hold the reader's hand in the slightest and all of its contents are unclear in their purpose (read it HERE to understand more). Now I want to show you some ideas for these contents and how they could be used if you'd like to treat the book as the semi-complete (no rules, just use Death in Space!) game.

DOOM

A collection of terrible fates, from being welded in an unused room to the collapse of the entire dimension of space. It may be just a prophecy of things awaiting the PC (or the campaign, or the universe), or the superstition plaguing PC's existence. Or just things that led to the important event.

SMALL TRANSITIONS

Humanscale doors and openings (yay). Just random doorways, obstacles, traps. Things to look for or to avoid.

MEDICINE

Obviously, random items (may be valuable af!), research in which the PCs help by gathering stuff and data (and - most likely - killing people, oh RPGs) or just source of nasty diseases and poisons. Or stuff that one PC must regularly take to avoid being dissolved into pile of primordial goo.

CHRONICLERS

NPCs,  tons of ideas of the events of the past (or not tons, just ounces - maybe I'll make just ten of them) - or the future (intertwined with the aforementioned DOOM?). Motivation for some characters to dig deeper into some occurrences, mentioning of artifacts or entities that GM can use to base his/her shit upon.

VERMIN

Just sweet, sweet denizens of ships and stations. Or maybe PC's points of origin. Or their obsessions. Or just bio-engineered tools of espionage or murder. Or (tiny) alien monsters with incomprehensible goals and motivations. Or miniscule divine entities of the Great Void.

SHIP TRAUMA

Maybe the spaceships are just living beings, warped and twisted by the powers of the ancient, hostile Cosmos? Maybe it's just a quirk of the Central Computer. Maybe it's the crew's past. Maybe it's the future (is there any difference between them, with the mazes of relativity always trying to mess up one's point of view?). Maybe you and your gaming team should ditch the idea of impersonating tiny fleshlings and just hop into the metallic flesh of star-faring vessels?

UNUSUAL ROOMS

"Have you really been born in the city-sized meat grinder and your parents were the High Priests of Mangled Flesh?"

 

Thought of the day: read the fucking Blindsight and Echopraxia by Peter Watts if you haven't before. 

PS. Sorry for the chaotic nature of the last two posts. This trend may continue well into the future. I just try to have fun in the obviously fucked-up world we live in. Welcome To The Dark Future.

Another stupid idea for the book

During the last thirteen years of reading this blog (and maybe my other creations) you've probably learned one thing - I'm really into making weird shit.

This time I came up with a strange idea - an RPG book filled with stuff without any, how to say it, labeling? No clear chapters, no defined purpose of things.

I mean, strange tables and lists, lots of cryptic stuff. Weird maps, plans and schematics (I want it to be a sci-fi or sci-fi-adjacent thing). But I want everything to be fucking unclear in terms of usage. I won't tell you - 'this is the character creation section' or 'this is a monster' or 'this is the PCs starting equipment list'. As I said, I want everything to be unclear - but not necessarily in substance but for sure in its purpose.

Why? Because I create my stuff just because I feel the urge to do so. And I just could produce weird books with absolutely gibberish / labyrinthine / utterly batshit-crazy content not caring about reception or sales because I do it out of passion.

RPGs are games about imagination, not the rules, indexes and structure. Of course - this thing won't be for everyone - but well, nothing is for everyone. And I'm not even sure if I will advertise it as an RPG rulebook - or a setting / guide / field manual or virtually anything.

I have some notes, some originating from years ago, which I will use making it. And maybe I'll even finish it this decade!

Meanwhile - if you want an ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AMAZING hard science fiction game - grab yourself a copy of DEATH IN SPACE.

Oh, and the picture is rather unrelated. It's just a Skylab airlock training module.

(sorry for this stream of consciousness - this post may be more stupid than my usual stuff) 

EXAMPLES!  

Ten Random Openings

1. Necromancer's Portal. Leads to the nearest 1d6: 1 mausoleum; 2 mortuary; 3 top of the ancient burial mound; 4 funeral home; 5 torture chamber; 6 ossuary. If you don't know the magic password, the connection is one-way.
2. Kobold Mine Entrance. Leads to an ancient kobold mine, thirteen levels deep. Lots of rare and valuable ores and some magical crystals can be found there but the corridors are really, REALLY low and narrow. 
3. Non-Obviously Trapped Door. 1d6: 1 Level-Draining Handle; 2 Acid-Spitting Door Clapper; 3 Ridden with Devourer Maggots; 4 Door Mimic; 5 Paralyzing Handle; 6 Swarm-Summoning Alarm.
4. Demonic Well. If granted an offering such as gold or live sacrifice, can answer any question but does it in very insulting way. Water from the well is mildly poisonous, even for the creatures that are immune to non-magical poison. The Well leads to Hell itself.
5. Closet to Retardia. A door hidden in a closet that leads to a sizeable pocket dimension of a fairytale land. Sadly, all its inhabitants are as dumb as rocks, all coins,gems and jewelry are fake and all livestock and most of flowers are carnivorous and always hungry.
6. Window of Visions. A peculiar, large window, always showing dark, overcast sky. If one should stare into the clouds for at least 10 minutes, the Window will show a vision of the most important event that took place the day before and occurred less than 10 miles from the spectator. If someone enters the cloudy realm of the Window, becomes lost forever in the dreadful Dimension of Swirling Eyeballs.
7. Foul Cavern. Locals tell stories of the druidic treasure hidden in the cavern for centuries. Obviously, the cave is inhabited / guarded by a nasty beast. 1d6: 1 Three-Headed Bear; 2 Putrid Ram Demon; 3 Skeletal Duelists; 4 Troglodytic Werebats; 5 Tar Worm (largest in the province); 6 Swarm of Fist-Sized Lice.
8. Mysterious Stairway. They say it appeared overnight. Large, stone stairs lead to 1d6: 1 the Divine Cellar; 2 the Tunnels of Thousand Sounds; 3 sadly, nowhere; 4 the Prison of Headless Illusionist; 5 the Decaying Museum; 6 the Navidson's House.
9. Dimensional Fissure. One-way tear in the fabric of reality, leading to our world from 1d6: Realm of Slug Philosophers; 2 Sea of Primordial Souls; 3 Galactic Anthill; 4 Rodent Purgatory; 5 Land of Sulfuric Storms; 6 Bovine Heavens.
10. Magical Peephole. Allows to look into 1d12: 1 Goblin Ballroom; 2 Boudoir of the Queen of Retardia; 3 Needle Demon's Trap Cell; 4 Butter Wizard's Wardrobe; 6 Kaleidoscopic Museum; 7 Hypnotic Garden; 8 Trollish Latrine; 9 Secret War Room; 10 Lecture Hall in Elemental University; 11 Spy Ring Meeting Place; 12 Realm of the All-Seeing Eye.

Daemons of Nhryxx - Hninkimonhlerler

"Demon of Forbidden Angles and Doorways you Should Not Investigate. Can be summoned by offering him nine Whitewood Spoons dipped in the Death Bee Honey. I do not know the words of incantation and I do not want to know them.

It's said that his name is an anagram of another name. The one that Bird Troglodytes gave the Secret Island where the Rhodolite Nonahedron is hidden. Yes, I deciphered it. No, I do not have enough courage to look for it. I think I should not investigate the door leading outside of my tower."

- The Wizard [redacted]

All-Obscuring Eye. Each creature struck by any of Hninkimonhlerler's attacks becomes automatically blind for the next 9 turns. The effect stops immediately if the eye is destroyed or covered by something (be it a piece of cloth, glob of mud or a bucket).

The Unerring Dagger. Can be used once each turn. Hits the target automatically and there are no non-magical ways to avoid it. It deals 1 point of damage but the struck victim must pass save vs. Magic to avoid losing 8 additional Hit Points. The Dagger levitates (similarly to the demon's own power - see below) and it looks like it attacks on its own, while in fact it is controlled by Hninkimonhlerler.

Acid Spit. Each turn, roll 1d4. On a score of 1, Hninkimonhlerler can perform the Acid Spit attack. Roll to-hit normally. Deals 1d8 damage but if the target fails save vs. Poison, roll 3d8 and pick the highest score.

Paradox Armor. Only the third attack that hits Hninkimonhlerler each turn is able to deal him any damage. Also, makes him immune to all poison, disease and acid. Due to its hyper-metallic nature, all electricity-based attacks deal 1d6 additional points of damage to the demon.

Levitation. Hninkimonhlerler is virtually unable to walk or even crawl - but he can levitate, reaching  speeds similar to walking/running humans. He can levitate up to 10 feet above ground. Can levitate over liquids, lava or even strings or ropes effortlessly. If any spell or effect cancels this ability, Hninkimonhlerler automatically regains it after 1d4 turns.

Dextrous Tentacles. All of his nine tentacles (one is on the back) can be used to manipulate objects and items with great precision and skill. In addition, one of them has pincer-like claws that can be used to attack instead of using the Unerring Dagger. Roll to-hit normally. The claws deal 1d6 damage.

 

I will try to make it a series of posts. We shall see how many I'll be able to create, both in terms of abilities and the artwork.

There are no stats here. When in doubt, use the bear. If still in doubt, double everything that can be doubled. 

100 random liquids

1. Sewer Water
2. Potion of Cure Tooth Decay 
3. Potion of Visibility
4. Gnomish Brandy
5. Spring Water (extremely cold)
6. Potion of Strength
7. Cheap Wine
8. Mead
9. Stale Water (full of bacteria)
10. Potion of Flaming Piss
11. Carrot Juice 
12. Potion of Exchange
13. Blood
14. Paint Thinner 
15. Whale Oil 
16. Potion of Dexterity
17. Urine
18. Holy Water 
19. Potion of Open Wounds 
20. Jasmine Tea 
21. Potion of Blindness
22. Potion of Cure Blindness
23. Mushroom Soup 
24. Dwarven Tea 
25. Lemon Juice 
26. Potion of Healing 
27. Sake 
28. Potion of Sluggishness
29. Apple Juice 
30. Orcish Moonshine 
31. Formic Acid 
32. Potion of Constitution 
33. Potion of Rapid Rot 
34. Dwarven Ale
35. Potion of Paralysis
36. Cow Milk 
37. Potion of Cure Poison 
38. Coffee 
39. Potion of Wisdom 
40. Porter 
41. Potion of Charisma
42. Dragon Dung Tea 
43. Cobra Venom
44. Methanol 
45. Brackish Water 
46. Zelgog's Black Elixir 
47. Whale Milk 
48. Energy Drink 
49. Tomato Juice
50. Potato Juice
51. Citric Acid
52. Broth 
53. Alcohol-Free Beer
54. Egg White
55. Elixir of Polymorphy 
56. Potion of Rage 
57. Olive Oil 
58. Potion of Regeneration
59. Nitric Acid 
60. Single Malt Whisky
61. Coconut Water 
62. Petrol 
63. Rotten Tomato Juice 
64. Potion of Boost Speed
65. Soda Pop 
66. Unholy Water
67. Potion of Intelligence 
68. Grape Juice 
69. Potion of Dandruff  
70. Potion of Rust  
71. Cognac 
72. Acetone 
73. Potion of Aging
74. Potion of Youth 
75. Goblin Wine
76. Goblin Milk
77. Maple Syrup 
78. Ouzo
79. Oil Paint (random color) 
80. Rose Tea
81. Potion of Petrification
82. Drain Cleaner 
83. Paradox Fruit Juice
84. Wood Glue 
85. Scorpion Venom
86. Perfume (random scent)
87. Trollish Perfume (just imagine)
88. Potion of Clairaudience
89. Truth Serum 
90. Manticore Milk
91. Champagne
92. Dishwashing Liquid 
93. Love Potion 
94. Potion of Invisibility
95. Oil of Rust Removal
96. Angelic Tears 
97. Kvass 
98. Mercury 
99. Elven Wine 
100. Vampire Blood 

Mystical Elbow Amulet - new magic Item!

Magical artifact, made from the fractured tip of the Demented Scribe's ulna.

• -1 Strength;
• +1 Charisma;
• Wearer fails all checks and saves while on horseback or driving any vehicle;
•  Fall Damage is reduced by 1d6 (to minimum 1);
• Wearer automatically passes all saves versus fear and all morale checks. 

(yup, I broke my elbow!)